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themodernsuperwoman

Tearing down the matchbox

Hate this bullshit

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I always hate seeing these type of memes on social media, insinuating or rather perpetuating the stereotype that girls or women are “crazy” and “always mad about something”. I’m not denying that this is probably true for the most part. However, the insinuation that the “madness” is irrational and coming out of nowhere is quite offensive.

 
For every “mad” woman out there, there’s a man bullshitting her to the core. In fact, the caption here should be: how do I bullshit my woman today and make sure she doesn’t catch me, or: when a man’s been caught on bullshit and tryna get out of it by making the woman seem “crazy”. No woman, girl or anyone for that matter, wakes up in the morning thinking of ways to get upset. We all want to be happy, smiling and laughing all the time, especially with our significant others or partners. Bullshit me, honey I will get “mad” as fuck. I’ll get even more upset when you try to further bullshit me by making me feel, look and sound like I’m crazy. Men come up with these things so they won’t have to be held completely accountable for their bullshit, in turn, making the woman seem like they’re just being irrational. Stop this shit already!!

 

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Sex Talk

#AskAMan is a popular segment on Bonang’s Metro fm Show, where a woman calls in with a relationship problem to ask for advice on how to handle it. This time, the caller’s man, 30 years old, does not want to go down on her. In fact, he does not do foreplay at all. No sensual kisses on the neck, nipple nibbling, munching and licking, the teasing before he actually puts it in. Nothing. Zero. At. All. He says that going down on a woman is idiotic, or something along those lines. While I was in awe of this situation happening in 2016, I quickly remembered a conversation I had with a guy friend of mine several years ago. We must have been talking about sex, I don’t quite remember the full details of the conversation, but he said that he doesn’t finger his girlfriend. He just enters her. I was appalled at such selfishness. So he just goes in without even knowing or caring if she is wet, moist and ready to be actually entered. The man thinks if he is hard then that is enough for them to have sex.

This goes back to the way were are raised as women and men and the attachments placed upon what makes us feminine and masculine. Men are taught that a woman’s body primarily exists for their pleasure. Sex between a man and a woman is about the penis entering the vagina, vagina receives it, men climaxes and it’s done. The problem lies in the narratives about sex that we are brought up with; that sex is dirty and nasty (although the dirtier the better for some people), that it’s primarily for reproductive reasons, only married people are allowed to have it, and all the other bullshit conservative ideologies. They are bullshit because they hide the fact that sex is for pleasure. Heck, I’ll even list health reasons before reproduction. The conservative narratives take away, or rather do not consider the woman’s agency. It is assumed that the woman is there ready to receive the man and then bear the child. In addition, the fact that pleasure is not highlighted as the leading reason for sex, it’s as if they don’t want women to want to have it. It’s labelled as forbidden fruit for women.

Society forever hyperventilates women’s sexuality, policing it like it is national security. Men can enjoy sex as much as they like, but women are not allowed to do the same. Obviously this speaks to the sexist “nature” of our society. Raising men to think that they can get blowjobs but do not have to finger a woman, or that oral sex is dirty, or putting a woman’s value heavily on her sexuality. We shame women that are liberated and do whatever they want outside the boundaries that are social norms and status quos. The words “whore” and “slut” primarily and by default refer to women, shaming and policing women that exercise their agency regarding their sexuality. Can society just leave women’s bodies alone? Let’s get one thing straight people, not your body, not your damn business!

All I need is within me now

Said a motivational speaker, personal finance instructor, life coach and self-help author to a full studio audience on the Dr Oz show. Tony Robbins is a successful businessman and a renowned life coach whose self-help books have helped many transform their lives. Admittedly, I am not a fan of these self-help people because I think they use a psychology mechanism, a mind controlling tool much like hypnotism, to get people to listen, believe and do exactly as they instruct. That’s just my opinion.

Nonetheless, I am a fan of the Dr Oz show because every episode feels like a biology class, a much interesting one equipping me with tools I can use in my everyday life to live healthier and ultimately better. Because of that, I decided to not change channels when this man was introduced and kept on watching. To my surprise, I was glad I did. Although I haven’t completely changed my view on these so called “life coaches”, I liked and completely related to what Tony said. So much that below I share three main points he spoke about on the show:

  • Create a strategy: We are capable of doing anything we want and achieving all of our goals if we just change our attitude. Now this is something that many of us have heard but do we really understand what it means? Heck, I’m not sure I understand it right now. This man is talking about having and approaching your goals with a strategy, a plan that’s proven to give you results.
  • Change your story – an example, I want to start my own business. My story need and should not be I don’t have the capital, I don’t have time to work on a business plan, I only get internet access when I’m work and that’s when I have to be doing my job, etc. Basically we need to move from excuses and only have solutions to the impediments we experience along the way. This keeps us focused and positive, that way we are able to follow through.
  • Change your state – once we have a strategy, a positive ready-to-conquer-the-world story, we change our mental and emotional state. If we tell ourselves that whatever we’re about to embark on is SO challenging and we can’t do it, then our bodies will show all the signs of a non-confident and demotivated being that just does not have the energy to do anything. So we need to tell ourselves and believe that we are capable of doing whatever it is our heart desires, so our bodies and minds and emotions will resemble such.

Discovering yourself through traveling

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Bumped into an article written by Brooke Seward, a full-time solo traveler. She is an advocate of a work + travel lifestyle and she documents her experiences as she goes. Here’s a quick run through on why she thinks all women should travel solo:

  • It boosts your confidence
  • You gain independence
  • You break down the idea of a “comfort zone”
  • It’s a healing process
  • Discover and love yourself
  • Appreciate the little things
  • You learn what is important in your life

Women who travel solo – for whatever reason, for whatever they take away from it, for whoever they meet along the way, for whatever they miss back home, will experience a change that is simply indescribable. It is a feeling of freedom. Of discovery. Of self.

My philosophy

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So many people walk around with this mentality and I think to myself, but you’re not an island. I think we aught to leave room for other people’s opinions, how else are we to live together in harmony without stepping on each other’s toes?

“I am what I am and I do what I do.” And what happens if we all decide to adopt that attitude? There’s a reason for law and boundaries. Surely it can’t only be because human beings are obsessed with power and control, I think it’s mostly because naturally we vary in our characteristics and that variation needs to be curbed.

Yes, caring too much about what people think or say about you is problematic because you will never please everyone. However, it should be our business how we are perceived in society and we have to be willing to make the necessary amendments or adjustments to accommodate those around us.

After all, do we want an easier life or a happier one?!

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